The Pokémon Special
by Akari Hoshizora
Summary: Hosted by "nobodies" Jade and Garnet, there are various Pokémon characters from the games and show in each episode! Warning: Contains obsessed people and jealous co-hosts that mock each other. Story in scripted form; will change if requested in reviews.
1. Episode 1: Introduction

The Pokémon Special

Welcome to a world of exotic creatures of all shapes and sizes. You shall see birds with rainbow and silver wings, the masters of land, water, and air, magnificent dragons that control the world's balance, and invincible psychics. This is the world of Pokémon, which is very majestic. …But in this show, it isn't so amazing. Welcome to _The Pokémon Special_, starring several trainers you've never heard of and their Pokémon! Let's start the show with your virtually unknown hosts, Jade and Garnet!! Take it away, nobodies!

Jade: …I hate that voice-over guy. Anyways, like the IDIOT said, my name is Jade. I'm a trainer like many of our fans, and that guy with the red hair huddled in his chair is Garnet.

[Camera turns to guy with red hair huddled in his chair]

Garnet: I'm a nobody, I'm a nobody, I'm a nobody… [Jade looks at camera with T_T eyes]

Jade: Okay, let's get onto our first guest ever, Miss Miniskirt Lass Number One!!

[Lass obsessed with mini-skirts enters with large shopping bag in hand]

Lass: Hi, my name is Mini, I mean Skirt, I mean Mini-Skirt, I mean--!!

Jade: Uh, yeah, whatever. Tell our viewers about that bag you're holding.

Lass: Oh, this is part of my collection.

Jade: …What collection?

[Lass opens bag with a crazy smile and pulls out ten miniskirts]

Garnet: ACK! THE MINISKIRTS ARE INVADING!!

Lass: Yes, everyone will be wearing miniskirts in the future. [crazy smile and eye twitches] Even boys will, with matching hot-pink shoes and pretty barrettes. Yes, such pretty mini-skirts and blouses… *breathing really creepily*

[Garnet pushes security button repeatedly]

Garnet: Oh man, who signed up a psycho for our first show!?

Lass: The boys are obsessed with shorts. *eye twitches* But girls will win and miniskirts will be the biggest fashion statement ever! Soon we'll be in Johto and Kanto and Hoenn and Sinnoh and Fiore and Almia and Orre and then, someday, even Pokémon will wear miniskirts… *cuddles face into miniskirt with creepy smile* Kirlia with miniskirts instead of their skirt-like body-thingies… All Ralts will evolve like that, and even Gallade and Garvedoir will wear miniskirts!

[Security arrives and drags her away as she screams for skirts--"NOT SKIRTS!!! _MINI_SKIRTS!!!"]

Garnet: She scares me. Can we move on?

[Jade still hiding in her chair fearfully]

Garnet: …Fine, I'll do it. Let's move on to the Contest Digest with our good friend Keira and her amazing partners in judging, Jordan and Dexter.

---

[Keira, Jordan, and Dexter smile at the camera and wave.]

Keira: Thank you so much, Garnet! Anyways, let's go on to today's Contest Tip.

[Big logo with Pokémon Logo font announcing "Contest Tips" appears]

Jordan: Today we'll tell you about how desperate Dexter is to be loved by fans and contestants.

Dexter: …I really hate how *you* treat me. Why do you do this to me!?

Jordan: Because you're the only guy who wears a hat to cover your bald head. [Dexter glares at him] Let's go!

[Keira backs away as Jordan drags Dexter away and looks nervously at camera]

Keira: …Okay, Jordan has some issues… Just switch cameras, m'kay?

[Camera switched to show Jordan and Dexter in their judging panels]

Jordan: As you can see, Baldo considers me his right-hand man. He's so flashy, displaying his fancy heart on his ribbon-design advertising his importance, while I sit behind this horrid pink judging-booth!!

Dexter: You might have been the Head Contest Judge if you hadn't tried to buy the position. We don't even know who owns this place!

Jordan: You're just jealous because I have hair and you don't!

Dexter: OH NO YOU DIDN'T!! IT IS SO ON!! *knocks over Jordan's booth*

Jordan: Bring it on, boyfriend! [Suddenly everything's quiet] …Did I just say that out loud?

[Keira arrives on fluffy white cloud-thing with wheels on it wearing angelic outfit]

Keira: Today's Contest Tip is to try to fill Dexter's applause meter, as you get more points for filling his than mine or Jordan's. Thanks for watching. Jade, please take over before the fist fight.

[Camera returns to Jade but Garnet is gone]

Jade: Wow, Jordan's really stuck up… Um, right now Garnet isn't here, but until he gets back, let's see our friends Professor Oak and Gary for today's Research Corner.

---

[Research Corner logo appears above Oak and Gary's heads]

Oak: Welcome to the Research Corner, where we'll tell you all about Pokémon. Today we'll be discussing hold items, such as—

[Logo still over their heads]

Gary: Gramps, that thing's freaking me out.

Oak: I know, just ignore it… … … … …OH FORGET THIS! *runs away screaming from logo*

Gary: Oh wait, we forgot they painted it on. Oh well, more time for me, right?

[Garnet appears on television screen behind him]

Garnet: Gary, you need to stop this. Seriously, you're just jealous because you're the grandson of a world-renowned Pokémon Professor who gets more attention than you in research even though you spend days and days and days and days and— …On second thought, continue.

Gary: Thanks! Today's Research Highlight is the item Griseous Orb. When held by Giratina, it's pretty cool because it allows Giratina to use its Origin Form outside the Distortion World, and also boosts its Ghost- and Dragon-type attacks. However, that may only be a legend, as no one has ever seen it. But according to occasional trainers who claim this world is only a video game for people in a world without Pokémon, the orb is a diamond shape and is a clear glassy gold, but if that's true then technically it's not an orb because orbs are supposed to be round.

Garnet: Are you sure you're not getting the definitions of "sphere" and "orb" mixed up again?

[Oak runs in with a Smeargle]

Oak: Smeargle, quick! Paint over the logo!

Smeargle: Smeargle smear! *paints "Samuel Oke's Research Corner" over logo*

Oak: Ha! Take that, Gary! I only pretended to not know it was painted on so I could use it as an excuse to get Smeargle to repaint the logo so my name was in it!!

Gary: …Gramps, you spelled "Oak" wrong.

[Garnet presses a button and sound stops while the two argue]

Garnet: Well, join us next time for "Samuel Oke—O-K-E—and Gary O-A-K's Research Corner!

["Oke" glares at Smeargle while screen switches to somewhere else]

---

[Jade and some girl look at camera nervously]

Jade: Welcome to Berry Garden Tips, which doesn't have a logo yet! Here's Opal, your host!

Opal: Jade, can I please go home now? I'm not the best gardener in the world, and—

Jade: *leans over and whispers loudly while still smiling at camera* Tell them about Berries or the studio will fire someone.

Opal: Fine. Since we're having the show on such short notice, I took the time to grow some simply AMAZING berries called "Oran Berries".

[Jade looks at camera with /o_o\ eyes as Opal pulls out Bluk Berries instead of Oran]

Opal: Well, as you can see, they're kinda lumpy and purple-y and grape-y, kinda like lumpy purple grape-y-thingies, and they, um, let me check the book…

[Looks at book labeled "Berries & You: Primitive Name Edition for Johto"]

Opal: Oops, I kinda messed up on the name. It's actually a "White Apricorn" which is used by talented apricorn ball craftsmen to make Fast Balls. A highly recommended crafter is Kurt, who resides in Azalea Town, Johto. He is well known for his high quality in balls, and champions use only apricorn balls from Kurt's Signature Apricorn Poké Balls Line, not available at retailers.

Jade: *eyes still /o_o\ style* Um, Opal, you're just advertising it … Also, that berry does not look like it's a white acorn to me.

Opal: Apricorn, not acorn! *smiles at camera* Remember, that's Kurt in Azalea Town, Johto … *looks at book again* "The one guy you can always rely on for your Apricorn Balls!" Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this!

Jade: …Yeah. Let's just return to the show, okay?

[Screen goes to Garnet and Ditto in Jade's chair]

Garnet: That's all the time we have. Join us next time on _The Pokémon Special_. This episode was brought to you by Mort's Apricorn Balls, conveniently located in Mahogany Town, Johto! The real Pokémon Masters only use apricorn balls from Mort's Ultimate Poké-Apricorn Ball Line.

Narrator Voice-over: And so, with that, we'll now leave the nobodies and somebodies while they all argue over what to do in the next show. And—

[Jade stomps onto stage angrily]

Jade: STOP IT!! THE NARRATOR BETTER NOT BE HERE NEXT TIME!!

[Jade stomps off stage; Opal and Garnet walk onto stage with T_T eyes and look at camera]

Opal: Really, this will get so annoying.

Garnet: Yeah, I know...

_**END OF EPISODE 1**_


	2. Episode 2: HeartGoldSoulSilver Special

Episode 2

Today, Jade and Garnet host the _HeartGold and SoulSilver Special_. Some new segments will premiere today, and there will be a few surprise appearances, not to mention Opal has a new job. So, get ready for today's _The Pokémon Special_!

[Jade and Garnet walk out from two doorways and sit in gold and silver chairs]

Jade: I like that guy better. So, who's the first guest?  
Garnet: It was supposed to be one of those boys obsessed with shorts, but he was canceled.

Jade: …Then who's going to be our guest?

Garnet: I dunno. How about Opal and her new apricorn balls? I like apricorn balls. They're so apricorn style. I love apricorn balls, and—

Jade: …Um, can we stop talking about apricorn balls? Really, that was stupid last time…

[Suddenly guy in trench coat comes out]

???: Hello, my name is Looker. I'm from an International Police Officer, and I got reports of the crazy miniskirt girl being seen her. Where is she?

Garnet: …Maybe at the big Miniskirt Lass Convention downtown?

Looker: No, that's not it. *suddenly notices cameras* Are you videotaping this?  
Jade: Um, this is a television show, so…

Looker: That will not do! Hand over the tape!!

Garnet: But we can't do that! We're live!

Looker: HAND IT OVER OR—

[Opal runs in wearing gray suit-top and skirt]

Opal: I'm Opal, Jade's new manager. I handle all business-related problems for my client.

Looker: Listen, I've got a very important job to do. I don't have time for this!

Opal: Just come backstage with me and we can work something out. If you don't, my uncle is very important among the International Police, and he can have you fired.

Looker: Uh… *glances at watch* Fine, I'll go.

[Looker and Opal walk backstage while Jade and Garnet look at camera nervously]

Jade: …Um, let's move on to a new segment, Pokémon News, which we think you'll enjoy.

---

[Pokémon News logo appears and shows Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald reporter with Professor Birch]

Gabby: This is Pokémon News! My name is Gabby, and I'm here at Littleroot Town to interview the prestigious Professor Birch. Or I was, until a _very_ special guest arrived.

[Camera's view widens to show Professor Elm sitting by them]

Elm: Err, hello. How is everyone out there?

Gabby: Elm, seeing you is a big surprise, especially since you rarely _ever_ leave your lab in Johto.

Birch: Yeah, you didn't even call this time!!

Elm: I wanted to surprise you, but I didn't expect to see a reporter here…

Birch: Well, it's too late to go back now! *chuckles and slaps Elm on back*

Gabby: Professor Elm, there are so many things I could ask you right now. But the only thing I can think of is that we have viewers out there wondering about the new Johto game. Tell me: is it true that Crystal, the first ever female trainer to star in a game, isn't returning?

Elm: Yes, it is. She wanted to take a break and give someone else a chance. I know her fans are disappointed, but we had to honor her wishes.

Gabby: Very interesting. Tell me, do you have any other reasons for visiting Professor Birch?

Elm: Well, I heard about his research in the field, and I just wanted to talk to him about it. I study Pokémon eggs, and I've lately been wondering if they are possible to find in the wild.

Gabby: Interesting. Birch, any replies to that?

Birch: I'm sorry to say this, but no, not really. I've never seen an egg except that one time my daughter brought one home. Again, sorry about that.

Elm: Oh well, maybe I can get some trainers to help me. Lately Gold's been busy, and—

[Gabby suddenly smiles at camera]

Gabby: That's right, trainers! If you see a Pokémon egg in the wild, let us know! To contact us, just give one of the station's messenger Chatots a letter with your name and where you saw it, or visit our station in Jubilife City, Sinnoh! If your hint's right, we might even feature you on television, and you'll be famous throughout the Pokémon world! That's all the time we have for now, so back to our friends Jade and Garnet at _The Pokémon Special_!

---

[Camera shows Garnet and Jade in their chairs]

Garnet: Okay, at the end of the last show, some of you may have noticed that Jade wasn't in her chair, but a Ditto was. That is because earlier when "Jade" came in, it was actually a wild Ditto that looked like her, and security couldn't tell the difference until we saw Jade with Opal! Now, where is this Ditto now, you ask? We don't know.

[Jade suddenly turns pink while Garnet talks]

Garnet: The Ditto snuck out, so we've made a new rule stating that there can only be one Jade in the studio at a time. [Jade's eyes suddenly become two big dots] We'll try to prevent this in the future. Anyways, what do you think, Jade? *turns to Jade and looks shocked*

"Jade": Ditto! *changes into a Ditto*

Garnet: … *adjusts headset* Security, how did this get in? …It transformed into a security officer while Jade was in the bathroom!? Why didn't you tell me!? …You guys are _so_ fired.

[_Real_ Jade comes out and picks up Ditto]

Jade: Aww, it's so cute! You can be my Pokémon so you don't have to sneak in anymore.

Garnet: …Yeah, whatever. Can we just move on?

Jade: Sure. It's time for ANOTHER new segment anyway, so enjoy!

---

[Rare Pokémon Quest logo appears above Bill's head]

Bill: Welcome to Rare Pokémon Quest! I'm Bill, creator of the Pokémon storage system, at my house in Goldenrod City. The reason I'm at Goldenrod is because of the new games, Pokémon Heart Gold and Soul Silver, which are nice changes from the usual mineral-related names. I was supposed to discuss the rare Pokémon called Celebi, but something happened when we were searching for it, and…

[Camera view widens to reveal the house is in black-and-white]

Bill: I honestly have no idea why only my house is black-and-white. Seriously, that window over there is in color when you look out, and I'm not black-and-white! On the bright side, we have one less ugly pink camera. Eh heh… Sorry? *sweat drops*

[TV turns on and shows Jade in an old-fashioned dress]

Jade: Why, ah can't believe mah eyes! Ah look old-fashioned on the moving picture box, but I'm wearing a tank top and khakis in the lounge! Why, Ah'm even talkin' old-fashioned! Bill, do something about this or you'll be let go!!

Bill: I tried to fix it, but nothing's working. By the way, nice dress.

Jade: Ah'm not jokin' around!!

Bill: Hey, at this rate I'll be lucky to not to be kicked out by my parents! Let's just end this now.

[Garnet appears on television screen in modern outfit]

Jade: Why do you look normal!?

Garnet: I'm dressed old-fashioned and talk old-fashioned. I guess Celebi reversed the time flow in your house or something so that everything new looks old and everything old looks new.

Bill: That actually makes sense. Anyways, I should get going now while we try and fix this. Bye!

---

[Camera switches to Jade and old-fashioned dressed Garnet in their chairs]

Garnet: Well, that was weird…

Jade: …

Garnet: I should have dressed as a caveman. Then maybe I'd look like I was from the future?

Jade: …

Garnet: …Okay, can we move on to our big guest of the day?

Jade: …

[Garnet looks at camera with T_T eyes]

Garnet: Sorry folks, you'll have to wait a while I cheer up Jade.

Jade: …I was ugly…

Garnet: */o_o\ eyes* Uh, this may take longer than I expected. Another new segment, okay?

---

[Camera shows Looker in detective-style office]

Looker: Hello everyone, my name is secret, but you can call me Looker. As you saw earlier, I'm an International Police Officer, and I take my job very seriously. This new segment is called—

[Steely-lettered logo announcing "Looker Looks for Crime" appears while he poses]

Looker: "Pokémon Criminal Lookout!"

[Camera view jiggles slightly as muffled giggling is in the background]

Looker: … It says "Looker Looks for Crime" still, doesn't it?

[Image goes up and down]

Looker: …In my defense, that title was not my idea. They said they'd fixed the logo… Anyways, it's time for today's Mystery Suspect!! Sponsored by _Pokémon HG&SS_. So, our suspect is this man!!

[Yanks sheet of easel tor reveal photo of a woman with red hair]

Looker: Er, woman! This woman is named, uh, we don't know, she's just "Rocket Executive". I tried to find her name, but it is just that. She is very… red, as you can see. Team Rocket is an evil organization bent on, again, not too sure.

Background Voice: *whispers* This is ridiculous.

Background Voice 2: *whisper* I know…

Looker: …And remember, don't play with fire, or Smokey the Ursaring will come for you! Back to the hosts now!

---

[Research Corner Logo appears above Oak and Gary]

Gary: Sorry to skip out on the hosts, but they're still busy.

Oak: Yes, and Jade is very sulky about fashion. Anyways, let's get on with it! Today we'll be talking about the Pokémon known as "Unown".

Gary: And to teach you, we brought in a real one! … Or we tried, but the budget was lowered after Gramps ruined our painted logo last time.

Oak: Oh well, they get the idea!

[Gary looks at Gramps with T_T eyes]

Gary: Unown come in 28 forms, the largest known range of forms any Pokémon has! But unlike other Pokémon with multiple forms, they can't change it. Their forms can be translated into the letters of the English alphabet, which is pretty cool.

Oak: Ah, Gary, you still need to do some research. Only 2_6_ can be translated into letters. The other two are punctuation marks: the exclamation (!) and question (?) marks.

Gary: Gramps, people don't watch television for grammar lessons. They can do that at school, which is why they watch television in the first place.

Oak: Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey kids, want to learn math?

Background Voices: NO!!!

[Old tree branches thrown at Oak from background]

Oak: Or not… OW! MY EYE!!

Gary: Uh, see you all next time… Bye!! (Who brought their kids!?)

---

[Jade and Garnet look at camera]

Jade: Well, Fashion Disaster is OVER!

[Audience cheers]

Garnet: We don't have an audience! Man, you camera guys sure are testy today…

[Cameramen boo and fake jewels are thrown at Garnet and Jade]

???: WILL YOU STOP BEING SO IMMATURE!?

[Camera drops on floor and thump heard; Jade bends down to camera view]

Jade: Uh, sorry, I guess they weren't ready to see—

[Adjusts camera to show Crystal standing]

Crystal: Me? Why didn't you tell them?

Garnet: Actually, we gave them a schedule of the show… Guess they didn't read it.

Crystal: Oh well.

[Crystal sits in crystal-blue chair]

Garnet: Man, we're so excited to see you!!

[Cheers erupt from background; Crystal strains to see]

Crystal: I thought you didn't have an audience at the studio?

Jade: …We don't. The producers are probably just "surprising" us again like with Ditto.

Crystal: …Uh, okay. They're jerks, aren't they?

Garnet: We have no comment on that, or we will be fireeeered free! Yeah, we'll lose our FireRed versions if we say something bad about them, so we can't comment.

Jade: Uh, yeah, what he said. I love playing FireRed… Eh heh…

Crystal: …Okay… Anyways, what do I do now? I've never been on a show before.

[Record screech in background]

Jade: You've never been on a show before? Well, that's a first.

Garnet: Usually we ask questions and you answer, like—

Jade: Why are you not in the new games?

Crystal: Well, I was the first heroine in the Pokémon Game series. My appearance was, as most called it, "revolutionary", so I try not to let it go to my head. But in the remake of GSC, I was invited back, even though there were so many great people they could have used. So I asked to choose a new girl to play, and we ended up with a new girl. She was so pretty, but I had to admit, I didn't expect her to be so unpopular with fans.

Garnet: That's because you let your fans down! We love you!! We'd probably be okay with her if it was a completely new game, but come on!! You were here FIRST!! We can't stand to go on in games without you, especially the girls!!

Jade: …Garnet, you know you're a boy, don't you?

Garnet: Yeah, but my mom made me read some of her magazines last night. Help me, please!

Crystal: …Did you try going to a video game convention?

Garnet: Oh yeah, that's right! The Pretty Ponyta Convention is in town! Thanks, Crystal!

Jade: …That's too girlie for _me_.

Garnet: I know. They're showing a more boy-suited game for boys who are dragged there by their girlfriends or sisters, though. This time it's "Pocket Monster Bikes", which is all about th—

Jade: Okay, okay, we get it!! I'm glad you're not crazy, though.

Crystal: Uh, any more questions for me??

Garnet: Have you ever played Pocket Monster Bikes?

Jade: …Do you know the new girl?

Crystal: Sure I do! She and I go way back!! In fact, we used to look alike, only her hair was brown and mine was blue! Good times, good times…

Jade: Wait, we're almost out of time!!

Garnet: Already!?  
Crystal: Aww, I was just beginning to like this show…

Garnet: Then why not join the crew?

Audience: YEAH!!

[Everyone stares at camera]

Jade: …Still not used to it…

Crystal: Well, if it's okay with the producers, then sure! But you might need more boys…

Garnet: Eh. We're working on it.

[Audience laughs and Jade and Garnet cringe]

Jade: …Okay, I'm going to talk to whoever invited an audience without telling us…

Crystal: Good idea. You're not used to it.

[Audience laughs more and they cringe]

Garnet: Well, see you all next time! But audience, we won't be seeing you, I think…

[Audience goes "Aww" or something like that]

End Episode 2


	3. Episode 3: Super Cool :Bad pun:

Episode 3

Today on _The Pokémon Special_, so much is happening. Drama will rise as the crew realizes the air conditioner breaking down does the opposite of making things hotter! With a new segment or two, things will definitely be cool! In fact, you'll stop cold laughing! So, let's get on with it before it starts snowing. Get ready for _The Pokémon Special_!!

[Audience cheers as stage lights up; Jade and Garnet not in their chairs]

Background Voice: Where are they?

???: HELP!!

[Jade and Garnet fall from ceiling into seats]

Jade: Okay, who let out their Hypno!? Honestly, hypnosis doesn't make humans go to sleep…

Garnet: Where are we? How did we get here?

[Opal runs out]

Opal: Guys, you're in the show. Now be good hosts!

[Jade and Garnet looks at camera with /o_o\ eyes while Opal runs out]

Garnet: …Eep?…

Jade: …Eek?…

Garnet: …Segment?…

Jade: …Yes?…

Garnet: …_Now_?…

Jade: …Please?…

---

[Keira, Dexter, and Jordan wave at camera]

Keira: It's time for the Contest Digest!! Today we're discussing the Pokémon Milotic, which is famous for evolving from Feebas with the help of a maximum Beauty Stat.

Jordan: To get Milotic, you have to feed… feed… Brrr, it's cold! I thought the air conditioning was broken, not the heater!

Dexter: Well, when they said the air conditioning broke, they meant it was stuck on full-blast.

Keira: Good thing we all brought our parkas, huh?

Jordan: …Parkas?…

[Dexter and Keira put on parkas]

Jordan: Why didn't you guys tell me to bring a parka!?

Keira: Dexter was supposed to…

[Jordan turns and glares at Dexter]

Dexter: Who's the "Baldo" now, punk!?

Jordan: …you are.

[Dexter looks at camera nervously]

Dexter: Oh yeah, I am.

[Keira sweat-drops and looks at camera]

Keira: Anyways, back to Milotic! To get it, first get a Feebas…

[Dexter swings arm at Jordan and misses]

Keira: …Then, depending on whether you're in Hoenn or Sinnoh…

[Jordan hits button on remote and dramatic music starts playing]

Keira: …you go to Hearthome City or any Contest Hall in Hoenn, but I suggest Lilycove City…

[Dexter pulls out a white glove and hits Jordan on cheek with it]

Keira: …There you either make a Pokéblock or Poffin, with beauty-raising attributes…

[Jordan slaps Dexter with purple glove]

Keira: …And feed them to your Feebas until its beauty stat is maximized.

[Dexter and Jordan have glove slap fight]

Keira: You'll know its' full when it won't take anymore, or screams…

[Glove slap fight continues; Keira takes a deep breath]

Keira: ENOUGH ALREADY!! WILL YOU STOP BEING SO IMMATURE!?

[Keira keeps screaming at top of her lungs while Jordan and Dexter stop fighting]  
Dexter: MY EARS!!

Jordan: KEIRA STOP!!

[Keira stops screaming and smiles innocently]

Keira: Thank you for watching Contest Digest. Next time, be sure to watch again!

[Contest Digest Logo appears]

Jordan: …Why didn't the logo appear earlier?

Dexter: It was supposed to be turned on by the camera guy.

Keira: …Let's just go now. Bye! Back to Jade and Garnet!

---

[Jade, Garnet, and Opal are wearing parkas in their seats]

Jade: This is not normal!

Opal: Look, it's not that bad…

Garnet: There are ice Pokémon skating in the backstage area!

Opal: …Okay, it's a little bad. But it's not freezing in here, is it?

Audience: YES IT IS!!

[Opal looks at camera with T_T eyes]

Jade: I'm going to search for some fire Pokémon to help us. Maybe there are still some left!

Garnet: I doubt it.

[Jade runs out with Poké Balls in hands]

Garnet: So, our guest supposed to be a ranger from Summerland, but he left. So instead…

[Garnet turns to look at Opal]

Opal: Not me…

Garnet: Go ahead and tell everyone about berries!!

Opal: But I'm not a gardener…

Garnet: Yes, but right now we can use some comedy, right?

[Audience cheers and Opal looks at him with /o_o\ eyes]

Opal: Uh, well… I don't have any berries!

[Audience boos and throws berries at her; Garnet hands her Cheri Berry]

Garnet: And now you do!

Opal: …I hate you. Um, let's see…

[Pulls out same berry book as first show]

Opal: Apparently this is a… Mysteryberry. It helps Pokémon recover Power Points, or PP, in battle. And…

[Audience laughs as she continues]

Garnet: Thanks, we really needed that.

Opal: Why, don't you know about berries?

[Audience laughs again]

Garnet: …Uh, no, not really. That was really helpful. But next time, use "Sinnoh Berry Guide" instead, though. That would be much more helpful.

Opal: …Thanks?

Garnet: And now for the next segment, Pokémon News!

---

[Pokémon News logo appears over Gabby's head]

Gabby: This is Gabby, live from Snowpoint City, here to learn about the mysterious Temple. All we know is that it's forbidden to enter, so we're going to sneak inside for more information.

[Gabby walks to the Temple door and tries to go in but is stopped by guard]

Guard: Ma'am, only the leader Candice and Ice Pokémon are allowed inside.

Gabby: Darn…

[Gabby walks away sadly; pulls out Poké Ball when out of sight]

Gabby: Go, Ditto!

[Ditto pops out of ball and looks at her]

Gabby: Okay, Ditto, transform into Candice and go in the Temple with this camera, okay?

Ditto: Ditto?

Gabby: Yes, it's perfectly legal!

Ditto: Ditto dit _dit_to?

Gabby: Because I'm not allowed in. Now go on, get some footage for me!

[Cell phone rings and Gabby answers]

Gabby: Hello?

[In the Studio…]

Jade: Gabby, you're not allowed there!! Go away from there and get some other story.

Gabby's Voice: Like what?

Jade: Interview that sailor who takes people to the Battle Frontier or something!

Gabby's Voice: Wait, I've got just the person…

[Camera switches back to Gabby at the Pokémon Center with Maylene]

Gabby: Maylene, how are you? Why are you here? Do you have any interesting things to tell us?

Maylene: …Um, can you stop asking so many questions? I'm just here to visit Candice, and—

[Maylene sneezes and Gabby hands her a tissue]

Maylene: Sorry about that. I'm just sneezing a lot more lately…

Gabby: You're not dressed very well for the snowy weather… Do you think you have a cold?

Maylene: No! No, I'm fine! It's just my allergies, that's all.

Gabby: What are you allergic to?

Maylene: …Uh, I forget. I think it's hay fever?

Gabby: …Are you sure you don't have a cold?

Maylene: Yes, I am. Why?

Gabby: Because hay fever is an allergy to flowers, and there's not many flowers around here.

Maylene: Well, maybe I…

[Random guy goes to counter and talks to fat nurse with big hair]

Guy: Nurse, think I have a cold…

[Nurse gasps and pulls out a microphone]

Nurse: OH NO! PEOPLE, CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!

Guy: Wait, what are you talking about?

[Chansey runs over with rolling exam bed-thingy and shoves him on it]

Nurse: Listen kid, it's all gonna be alright… We'll take good care of you…

[Chansey pushes exam bed-thingy away with guy staring at her with /o_O\ eyes]

Nurse: Oh, he's so young. I hope he's alright…

[Nurse notices Gabby and Maylene looking at her with /o_o\ eyes]

Nurse: What are you two looking at?

Gabby & Maylene: Nothing…

[Nurse walks away]

Gabby: On second thought, you've never looked better!

Maylene: Yeah, you too! …Oh, look at the time. I'm late! I better get going to the Gym now.

Gabby: Yeah, and I'm late to get to the… Studio! Yeah, the studio. Eh heh…

[Awkward silence]

Maylene: …So, bye?

Gabby: Yeah, bye!

[They start to leave and Gabby sneezes; fat nurse runs over]

Nurse: OH MY GOSH!! ANOTHER CODE BLUE!!! CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!

[Gabby and Maylene scream and run away; camera drops on floor and shows Nurse's feet chasing everyone else's feet away]

---

[Jade and Garnet look at camera with /o_o\ eyes]

Jade: …That nurse scared me.

Garnet: Yeah, me too…

[Screen behind them still showing chase scene]

Nurse's Voice: HURRY, THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!

[Jade digs into bag while smiling at audience and pulls out the remote]

Garnet: Uh, do you guys want to keep watching that?

[Audience screams and Jade presses button on remote while smiling at them with /o_o\ eyes]

Jade: Guess not! Eh heh heh… We'll check up on them later…

Garnet: …Yeah, after the psycho nurse leaves…

Jade: Anyways, let's go to our guest today, Candice!!

[Audience cheers as Candice enters; Candice slips and slides over to blue chair and somehow slides onto it upside down]

Candice: This place is more slippery than my gym…

[Garnet helps her get up and she sits normally]

Jade: Yeah, the air conditioning broke…

Candice: I thought that would make it hotter!

Garnet: So did we…

[Audience laughs]

Jade: So, Candice, we've been wondering about your team in the Pokémon games. In Diamond and Pearl, you had a Sneasel, Snover, Medicham, and Abomasnow. In Platinum, you keep Sneasel and Abomasnow and add Piloswine and Froslass. Why?

Candice: The Pokédex in Diamond and Pearl had only 151 Pokémon in the National Dex, but it was changed to 210 in Platinum. I changed the Pokémon so I could have two Pokémon from the updated National Dex, and also used it as an excuse to get a new strong Pokémon for my team.

Garnet: That's so cool!

[Jade hits him on back of head]

Jade: Please, no more puns about the temperature!! The introduction had too many!!

Candice: I know! I get waay too many puns at the gym, too. So does every gym leader…

Garnet: Can you tell us some?

Candice: Well, now that you mention it…

[Candice reaches into bag and pulls out a heavy-looking big book]

Jade: That looks really heavy!

Candice: Trust me, this thing isn't as heavy as it looks. It's much worse.

Garnet: Need any help?

Candice: No, I think I got it…

[Candice puts book on small glass table in front of her and table shatters]

Candice: …I'll pay you for that.

Jade: Nah, don't worry. The table was an ice sculpture we made earlier.

Candice: …There's not even enough to do that at my gym, and it's full of ice!

Garnet: We know. Tell that to our producers, though. They think this is funny.

Candice: …Okay. Anyways, this book is full of terrible puns we gym leaders hear on a regular basis. We compiled all the best and worse ones to send to other gyms that specialize in our types.

Jade: …That book's all about ice-type puns?

[Candice nods and heaves it into her bag]

Garnet: Can we borrow it? Maybe we can teach the audience the puns to tell our producers!

Audience: YEAH!!!

Candice: Okay, sure… I'll give it to you in a little bit.

Jade: Until then, it's time for a new segment, Crystal's Catch!

---

[Crystal waves at camera and "Crystal's Catch" logo appears]

Crystal: I'm Crystal, and this is Crystal's Catch, a segment about catching Pokémon! Today I'm going to tell you about how to catch the Pokémon Combee. Combee is very coveted, and you use honey to get it. Now where do we get honey? From this guy!

[Crystal pulls Honey Guy into camera shot]

Crystal: So Honey Guy, how do we get honey?

Honey Guy: Either find it around Sinnoh, or buy it from me!

Crystal: Interesting. Now, tell us about Combee.

Honey Guy: Oh, Combee is popular because the females evolve into Vespiquen, while the males never evolve. Dun, dun, dun!!!

[Crystal glances at camera with T_T eyes]  
Crystal: …So, tell us where to put the honey.

Honey Guy: Well, there are brownish trees all over Sinnoh. When you get there, you slather on some sweet, sweet Sweet Honey and wait a while. If you're lucky, you'll get a girl Combee. If you're not, you'll either get a boy Combee or a random Pokémon you don't want.

Crystal: …Girl Combee have a red mark on the forehead of the bottom face. Boys don't.

Honey Guy: And the Pokémon you don't want won't have a red mark either!!

[Crystal slowly turns to camera with T_T eyes]

Crystal: Right. Anyways, that's how to get a Combee. Later people!

---

[Jade and Garnet still looking at screen]

Jade: She needs to practice her length.

Garnet: Yeah, but we love her! Right everyone?  
[Audience cheers]

Jade: Well, we're almost out of time anyway.

Garnet: And remember folks, what do you think of this episode?

Audience: It was so "cool", we cheered until you told us to "freeze"!

Garnet: That's right!

Jade: …We had to do that to annoy our producers. Anyways, special thanks to Candice for giving us some of her puns! Thanks, guys!

Garnet: Now night everyone! Let the puns roll on without freezing!

[Audience laughs]

End Episode 3


	4. Episode 4: Secret Horror Special

Episode 4

Today on _The Pokémon Special_ our hosts are keeping things so secret we don't know what will happen anymore! With a secret Guest Star, this episode may be one of the best yet! So get ready for _The Pokémon Special_!!

[Audience cheers as Jade and Garnet enter spookily-lit stage]

Jade: Hi everyone, today's show was SUPPOSED to, well… Actually, there wasn't supposed to be an episode today.

[Audience members go "Huh?" and "What?" and stuff like that]

Audience Member: I PAID IN ADVANCE FOR THIS EPISODE AFTER THE LAST SHOW!!

Garnet: Well, mystery audience member, we didn't know that. Our producers are forcing us to do today's show, and—

[Audience boos and throws rotten food at them]

Jade: THAT'S IT! WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP!!!

Garnet: IT'S NOT OUR FAULT THE STUDIO'S—

[Opal runs in screaming and audience screams in surprise]

Opal: I SAW IT TOO!! OH MY GOSH IT WAS HORRIBLE!!

[Garnet grabs blanket from empty chair and wraps it around Opal's shoulders]

Garnet: There, there, Opal… It's all over now…

Opal: No it's not! It's just beginning! Something just told me when I saw it!!

[Opal sobs and Jade hands her cup of hot chocolate; Jade turns to audience]

Jade: You'd be surprised how much hot chocolate was left after the last show.

[Opal keeps sobbing and Jade turns to her again]

Garnet: Poor Opal, never saw it coming…

[Audience starts screaming "SAW WHAT COMING!?" and stuff like that]

Jade: …We'll tell you guys later. For now, first segment.

Garnet: Audience members, please be quiet. Let Opal have some peace, she's seen bad things.

---

[Looker sits at desk under big screen]

Looker: My name is Looker, and I'm an International Police Officer. Welcome to the segment…

[Steely-lettered logo announcing "Pokémon Criminal Lookout" appears on screen while Looker poses holding badge out]

Looker: "Pokémon Criminal Lookout!", formerly known as "Looker Looks for Crime"! …I had to say that so fans wouldn't be confused. I prefer just saying the title, though. Anyways, let's move on to our first big suspect!

[Team Magma Leader Maxie and Team Aqua Leader Archie shown]

Looker: Well, the guy in red is the leader of Team Magma, Maxie, and the guy in blue is the leader of Team Aqua, Archie. Along with being wanted for various crimes, we have chosen them for stealing the Red and Blue Orbs from Mt. Pyre. Mt. Pyre is a very spiritual place, since it's a cemetery with dead Pokémon buried there, so this is even more atrocious! Why, desecrating the place where graves have buried Pokémon… It's all so horrible, and they don't even apologize!

[Screen changes to show Crystal looking at the camera; starts to speak but Looker interrupts]

Looker: Well, apparently we have another suspect of the day…

[Looker looks at screen in horror]

Looker: Why, Crystal from the beloved Crystal Version is wanted!? What did she do that was so wrong!? Quit the Johto Remakes!?

Crystal: Uh, Looker…

Looker: Well, now that I think about it, it is pretty bad…

[Crystal looks at him with T_T eyes while he looks thoughtful]

Crystal: Uh, Looker…

Looker: Then that must be it! It seems Crystal is wanted for not appearing in the new Johto remake games Heart Gold and Soul Silver!!

Crystal: STOP TALKING AND LISTEN TO ME LOOKER!!

[Looker looks at screen in horror again with /o_o\ eyes]

Looker: OH NO!! THE SPIRITS OF THE POKÉMON BURIED AT MT. PYRE HAVE POSSESSED THE WANTED IMAGE OF CRYSTAL TO AVENGE THE REMOVAL OF THE ORBS!! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!

Crystal: WILL YOU GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!? I AM NOT A WANTED POSTER, I AM THE REAL CRYSTAL! THE SPIRITS OF THE POKÉMON BURIED AT MT. PYRE ARE NOT POSSESSING A WANTED POSTER OF ME AND IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!! Ugh…

Looker: …But the Orbs are not where they belong. Shouldn't the spirits of the Pokémon buried at Mt. Pyre be a little angry? Even just a tiny bit?

Crystal: Yes, they should, the Orbs have been returned to their rightful place by two Hoenn trainers who wish to remain anonymous.

Looker: Oh, they were? I didn't know that. Why didn't you say something earlier before the big screaming fight thing? I'm losing my voice over it…

[Crystal glares at him with T_T eyes]

Crystal: That's what I was trying to tell you… But you thought this was a big wanted poster thing and wouldn't listen…

Looker: Oh, yeah, right. Sorry about that.

[Awkward silence follows]

Looker: …So why are you on the monitor right now? I thought you had your own segment called "Crystal's Catch"? Shouldn't you be working on it?

Crystal: It was cancelled due to lack of interest. Plus it was pretty much a temporary replacement for the "Rare Pokémon Quest" segment by Bill while they tried to figure out a way to repair his house's color.

Looker: …Oh. I thought he said his parents would kick him out.

Crystal: That's what he thought, but they decided to make him stay and fix it. 'You can create a PC Storage System for Pokémon, so you ought to be able to figure out a way to fix this,' is what his mom supposedly told him.

Looker: "Supposedly told him"?

Crystal: …There's been no sign of Bill for a couple of days now. All communications stopped.

[Another awkward silence follows]

Looker: We should probably go back to the main part of the show, shouldn't we?

Crystal: Yeah, we should. Well, do the end logo thing!

[Screen returns to picture of Archie and Maxie]

Looker: Yeah, I thought so. Anyways, thanks for watching "Pokémon Criminal Lookout!", and if you see either of the two suspects, call the International Police immediately! I'm not too sure about Crystal, though. Bye!

---

[Opal still has blanket wrapped around shoulders]

Jade: Opal, you sure you're okay?

Opal: …Yes, I'm fine…

Garnet: I bet everyone's wondering what she saw by now, aren't you?

Audience: YES!!

[Jade pouts at audience]

Jade: Okay, okay, but you may not like it…

Garnet: The studio's apparently haunted.

[Audience gives them "o_O" eyes]

Jade: Perhaps we should go back through the history, reenacted on the monitor by several of our workers who don't have a segment to host right now.

[Crystal, Bill, Gary, and Jordan walk into the view on monitor wearing old-fashioned clothes]

Bill: Today's presentation features me as Gustav, Crystal as Marina, Gary as Samuel, and Jordan as a weird rich guy only known as Mr. Green.

Crystal: This ought to be fun!!

Gary, let's start the narration tape already!

---

Tape: Years ago, there were four people who lived by the Studio… It was before the studio was even a studio, and everyone lived in peace.

[Crystal starts to speak but is interrupted by tape]

Tape: One day a beautiful girl named Marina walked into the town. She was very pretty, but could not speak. So Mr. Green asked her to write, but she refused. Samuel asked her to draw, but she refused. Gustav asked her to sing, and she did. And her voice was so wonderful it attracted people from all over.

[Crystal, Gary, Bill, and Jordan stare at camera with T_T eyes as narration continues]

Tape: But one day, a small Pikachu wandered in…

[Guy in a Pikachu costume runs behind them]

Tape: The Pikachu fell in love with Marina's voice, and kidnapped her.

[Guy in Pikachu costume grabs Crystal and drags her away screaming]

Tape: No one ever saw her again, and to this day, she supposedly haunts the studio. The end.

[Gary, Bill, and Jordan still watching direction Pikachu Guy took Crystal]

Gary: That wasn't in the script…

Jordan: Gary, we got no lines at all! This is so annoying…

Bill: Do you think Crystal will be okay?

Gary: I'm sure she's fine.

Jordan: …But there's no giant Pikachu costume in the wardrobe. I keep the list of costumes and stuff, and that's not on it.

[Eerie music plays]

---

[Jade, Garnet and Opal stare at camera]

Jade: …The Pikachu wasn't part of the reenactment…

Garnet: …Neither was kidnapping Crystal on camera…

Opal: …That's the ghost I saw earlier…

[Lights go dim and everyone screams]

???: OH MY GOSH THE POWER'S OUT!!

???: Is everyone alright?

???: Audience, if you're there please shout yes.

???: YES!! HELP!!

???: HELP!!!

[Lights flicker and ghostly figure seen floating behind Jade; audience screams as lights flicker off again; someone screams like a little girl]

???: OH MY GOSH WHAT WAS THAT THING!?

???: JADE! ANSWER ME!! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ANSWER ME!!

[Lights flicker on again and Jade's chair is empty; Garnet and Opal stare at it before the lights flicker off again]

???: THE GHOST THING GOT HER!!

???: AAHH!!

???: Quick, turn on the camera's night light feature!!

[Crashes heard in background; suddenly camera flash activates and room shown in green color; Opal seen sobbing]

Opal: …Jade, where are you? What happened?

Garnet: I wish I knew, but we don't. Everyone in the audience, you okay?

[Audience screams and Opal looks up with teary eyes]

Garnet: Well, at least they're here…

[Suddenly Murkrow flies over them and lands on Jade's chair]

Opal: I'm scared! I'm so scared!!

[Murkrow does a funny dance but Opal doesn't notice]

Murkrow: Krow! Mur murkrow!!

Opal: Krow, is that you?

[Murkrow lands on Opal and kisses her]

Opal: Thank goodness one of my friends is here…

Garnet: Uh, what about Jade!? We can't do the show without her!!

Opal: News Segment time! Go to Gabby!! NOW!!  
---

[Gabby looks at camera with /o_o\ eyes]

Gabby: Er, Gabby here, at the studio getting ready for my first big news story in my dressing room. Um, excuse me while I put on makeup…

[Gabby gets out powder puff and puffs on her face, creating dust cloud]

Gabby: I was supposed to go see what's up at Mt. Pyre, but now our special guest is stuck here because she refuses to go any farther…

[Camera view widens to show crazy channeler woman]

Channeler: This place is full of evil spirits! It is cursed, I tell you, cursed!!

Gabby: Her name is Druscilla, I believe.

Druscilla: I prefer Dru, deary. Dru.

[Gabby looks at her with /o_O\ eyes; awkward silence follows]

Dru: THIS PLACE IS CURSED!! CURSED I TELL YOU, CURSED!!

[Dru begins to swing staff wildly and Gabby runs away screaming; camera drops on floor as cameraman follows]

Dru: CURSED!!

---

[Opal and Garnet look at camera]

Opal: …This is all way too creepy.

Garnet: I know. I'm just leaving now.

[They slowly get up and walk to stage door; suddenly lights flicker again and they run away screaming]

???: Ooh, I'm a ghost…

[Lights come back on to show Crystal and Jade in chairs]

Crystal: NOT! Ha-ha, suckers!

Jade: Well, now that the scare-fest is over, I bet you all want to know what just happened.

Audience: YES!!!

Crystal: The other night, we all came up with an idea. We wanted a horror episode, but Garnet and Opal backed out, saying they didn't like horror.

Jade: So we decided to play a prank! This entire episode was done with the help of "Druscilla", or as we like to call her…

Crystal: My replacement!!

["Druscilla" walks out and removes old-lady wig to reveal puffy hat and brown hair]

"Dru": I'm still not telling you guys my name, got it?

Jade: Yeah, we kinda figured that a few weeks ago…

"Dru": I just love doing pranks, though! Especially horror movie style, which is the best. I'm not a girly-girl like some of the other heroines.

Crystal: I know, and I like that about you!!

Jade: So, one question for you, um, "Kris 2"…

Kris 2: I like that name. Go ahead!

Jade: Are you excited about the game?

Kris 2: Heck, yeah! I'm finally not able to start those rumors that it's coming out anymore!

[Jade stares at her in surprise]

Jade: That was you!?

Crystal: And me. We get bored easily.

Kris 2: Yes, we do. Well, I better get going now! Gold's expecting a new copy ahead of time, and I have to break the news it's not out yet.

[Kris 2 giggles as she runs away; Jade and Crystal look at audience]

Jade: Do you forgive us?

[Audience mumbles in reply]

Crystal: …We've got cookies in the lobby as an apology gift!

[Audience cheers and runs outside]

???: Best cookies ever!

End Episode 4


End file.
